Roots of Change
I am transitioning.
It’s taken me three months to be able to say that.
"Transitioning" is a term used by Black women to indicate their decision to journey away from straightening their hair with chemical relaxers to a new experience of their hair in its natural state.
It's been three months since I last put a relaxer in my hair. I am “going natural,” becoming acquainted with my hair’s natural curves and character. I am redefining my understanding of who I am and what I understand to be beautiful.
I did not know I was making a life-altering decision when I chose to rent Chris Rock's documentary "Good Hair" from the Red Box.
I was very familiar with the phrase "good hair." Growing up, I had one cousin who had it. It felt smooth. Its roots were thin. It was straight. It was “pretty.” All of my female cousins, aunts, friends and I thought so. It was unlike what we had growing on our own heads. Our hair had thick roots that hurt as our mothers combed them. Our hair did not lay flat but rather had a proclivity for big poufy outdated hair styles like afros. Our hair needed taming. We begged for relaxers and jheri curls to make our “bad” hair behave.
As an adult I learned to vehemently oppose this idea of “good hair.” Whenever I ran into a woman who used the phrase, I’d respond telling her that “All hair is good hair.” The typical response: “Yeah but you know what I mean.”
And I do. They mean that straight European-like hair is typically considered more attractive than thick, curly African-like roots. They mean that it’s easier to comb, style and look at hair that looks White. This is the awareness that made me protest the phrase “good hair” and led me to watch Chris Rock’s movie three months ago.
I thought I was conscious about this issue of hair. I had no idea. No idea that taming my hair was a 9 billion dollar industry headed primarily by white-owned businesses and supported by sacred hair shaving rituals in India. No idea the extent to which my Black sisters go to alter and cover up their natural hair. Absolutely no idea that the chemical I was putting on my scalp each month had the ability to burn straight through a soda can. The words of the scientist in the movie still echo in my mind: “Why would they do that?” More personally, why would I do that.
It made me grieve. It made me write a poem apologizing to my hair. (See http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xco6DyhtU8)
I hadn’t realized how deeply I was conforming to our culture’s belief that only straight hair is beautiful. I had no idea how deeply that belief had taken root in my own heart until I began going natural. On many days I have found myself looking at my fuzzy hair line in the bathroom mirror and thinking, “What am I doing?! My hair is too hard to comb! Too difficult to style! Too…..dare I say it: ugly.” I see myself getting my hair relaxed in my dreams. My scarred sub-conscious sends me messages as I sleep letting me know the influence of this idea of “good hair” is deep.
The hair on my head is more than a symbol of beauty. It is the target of systematic stereotyping and despite all that I am committed to as an anti-bias activist, it is something I have spent most of my life unintentionally demonizing.
Going natural for me is a decision to walk my talk. Going natural is about everything I am passionate about and the heart of what I hope this blog will be about: unlearning biased beliefs, interrupting systemic injustice, embracing one’s authentic self, celebrating difference and spirit-level transformation.
I believe change starts on the individual level. What we feel and believe to be true about ourselves influences what we feel and believe to be true about others. Knowing and loving who you are is a transformational act, one that allows our understanding of what is good to expand and wrap its arms around those in our world broken by burdensome stereotypes. Just imagine a world in which not one of us sees ourselves (not our hair, our heart, our cultural heritage, or anything) as inadequate, ugly or bad. That’s the world I’d like to live in and help to create. What about you?